Iggy Azalea has been quite a busy woman of late. Not only did she drop off some new music with Survive The Summer, but she also found herself at the centre of a potential new relationship with NFL star DeAndre Hopkins; yesterday, she referred to the player as “her man,” and he responded in kind. The courtship rituals of a digital era; who needs a boombox when Instagram comment sections exist. In any case, the honeymoon was short lived, potentially fizzling out before it could ever truly materialize. Today, Iggy took to Twitter to confirm that she is indeed single, thus implying the previous claims to be nothing more than harmless flirting.
It is sad, however, to note that Iggy seems more than willing to accept a life of spinsterdom, potentially retreating into her mansion with cats on deck. “I have come to the conclusion iam going to be alone forever,” she writes, in poetic meter. “Iam completely fine with that.” She proceeds to emphasize the dire straits of her romantic projections with the most cynical pie chart of all time. It’s unfortunate, as Iggy’s attempts to play it cool can only hide so much; one does not simply bust out a pie chart for nothing.
Perhaps Iggy needs to take a page out of Flava Flav’s book, and bring her search to the national stage. Hip-hop’s first bachelorette. Her biggest interests? Cash and Ass.