The majority of ‘s life has been captured on camera, but there’s still a lot we don’t know about him. The popstar is pulling back the curtain even further with his YouTube Originals docuseries, Seasons. The ten-part series follows the often-bumpy road to Bieber’s new album, which arrives next week. He spent the past few years away from the spotlight and now he is opening up about why he had to do this. 

Seasons‘ fifth episode, titled “The Dark Season”, explores the various health issues that Bieber has had to deal with. It starts out with 25-year-old talking about how history of drug addiction. “There was a time when I was sipping lean, popping pills, doing Molly, shrooms, everything,” he says. His substance abuse took such a toll on him that he reached a point where he felt “like dying.” “My security would come into my room at night to check my pulse,” he details. “People don’t know how serious it got. It was legit crazy, scary. I was waking up in the morning and the first thing I was doing was popping pills and smoking a blunt and starting my day. It just got scary.” This served as a turning point and led him on his road to sobriety. 

While Biebs is off the drugs, he is still struggling with Lyme disease and Epstein-barr, a virus linked to mono. Both of these ailments have caused him a drastic decrease in energy levels, and necessitated various tests and treatments. After all these heavy topics, the “Yummy” singer ends the episode on an inspirational note. “I’m committed to getting better and committed to doing whatever I have to do, whether it’s inconvenient or not, because I know ultimately it’s not only for me,” he states. “Being the best me is gonna help me be the best husband, the best father, the best friend that I can possibly be. And for all the fans that want to enjoy the music that I make. I can’t do it if I’m not healthy. I haven’t been healthy for a long time.”